Talking about Bullying, Child Abuse and Domestic Violence, in the hope to make change!
THE RESPONSIBILITY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LIES WITH THE ABUSER NOT THE ABUSED!!!
Domestic violence – the physical or psychologocal abuse towards a partener, domestic spouse or child. It is the act used to gain or maintain power and control over those affected. Though it is more commonly committed from a male towards a female, It is a ever growing problem where the male and/or child is the victim as well. It destroys families and homes and changes peoples lives forever affecting even generations to come.
Domestic abuse accounts for 14% of all violent crime. Those who become plagued by domestic violence may blame themselves because of love, care and loyalty towards the abuser, But NO ONE DESERVES TO BE A VICTIM!!!
Figures for 2012 published earlier in the year showed just how big the problem is. In England and Wales alone, two million people were affected suffering physical and/or mental abuse at the hands of a supposed loved one.
What will be surprising to many is that 2012 saw from the two millions cases, 800, 000 were male victims of domestic violence and showed that it’s not just a plague that affects women. Men are less likely to report but this does not mean they are less in need of help. Please note that we are not making any assumptions, 800.000 male cases were reported but it did not mean that the abuser in all cases were female and categorized instead as a male or female family member or partner.
In our previous post found @ http://tomthumb.info/tt/index.php/2012/07/08/domestic-violence-recovery/ we asked the question, Do victims of domestic violence ever recover? This post is still active so if you have some you would like to share get involved.
Although millions of pounds are spent on domestic violence awareness and help for victims, it is still very much a taboo subject which people don’t talk about usually because they don’t know how to approach the subject. In our previous post mentioned above are lots of helpful links if you would like to find out more about domestic violence.
Due to fear of further abuse and violence a victim will often stay silent to what is happening. As we mentioned earlier they will often blame themselves, through love, care and loyalty towards the abuser.
They believe that by changing the way they live their lives will make the abuse stop and use excuses such as “I pushed him/her to far and made him do it,” blaming it on stress, alcohol or drug addictions, mental illness, bad childhood or because they want to control you because they care.
None of these are acceptable. Everyone is responsible for the decisions they make and there is no excuse for abuse. Each and everyone of us is an individual who should not be told what to do and controlled. Addictions and mental illness can exacerbate abuse but still it does not excuse it of cause it . The abuser make the conscious decision for the actions they take. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE A VICTIM!!! DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CRIME AND IT IS UNACCEPTABLE !!!
Leaving often sounds like the easiest answer but it is not as simple as it sounds. Leaving a violent and abusive relationship takes courage and inner strength. The fear of the unknown, nowhere to go, money and support creates inner struggles. The victim needs to make this decision on their own and in their own time.
If you think someone is a victim of domestic violence support them but do not push them in decisions, criticize or judge them. Be patient,encourage them to seek help, talk to them and let them know they have someone to confide in, help them see their own strengths, and most of all listen and believe in what they tell you.Help them to realize what they are going through is not their fault. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE A VICTIM!!!
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After familial emotional and sexual abuse growing up, i moved in with the person who would later be my ex-husband, when i was 17, thinking life would improve. I found out after our second daughter was born with congenital defects, it was much worse. My ex, who was more than a foot taller than me moved from emotional power control, to physical abuse. I took our daughters to my mothers a few months after hour 3 year wedding anniversary, and nearly 7 years into our relationship. After multiple skull fractures, endless futures, and 3 lost pregnancies, i left the night he broke a rib, and re-dislocated my si joint. I was still under his emotional control 2 years after i left. I felt that if I dated, I would betray him, and our daughters, like I would still be cheating. With two special needs children aged 3 and 5, i had a nervous breakdown. Flash forward 2 more years, after a lot of therapy i was able to regain my power and finalize our divorce. Now its been another 2 years, 6 since our separation, finally working again, the nightmares don’t give me a night off, often times I become so afraid to be alone, just knowing it will begin again, although consciously I am aware he lives 8 hours away in southern California. I have healed from that relationship, and am properly mending relationships within my family, while maintaining boundaries. Healing is more than possible, but learning to trust again, learning to love openly, or lose the need for any mans approval can seem to be but a mere fantasy. Although someone may walk out that door, it feels as though your soul has been stolen. A piece is left behind that is impossible to ever get back, just like the years devoted to your abuser. Movie forward in life is more than possible. I went to school , and then a university, as a single mother. But the dreams remind me the nightmare won’t ever truly end. At least not 6 years later.